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When I was new to EFT, I spent a lot of time studying how to deal with psychological reversal, and I felt it held the key to healing complex cases. I regularly used language like ‘self-sabotage’ and ‘resistance’ in my healing vocabulary. As a new practitioner I found myself feeling like I was ‘doing battle with PR’ a lot of the time. With what I’ve learnt over the last few months, I now realise that using all of these terms can be counterproductive, and there’s a much more supportive way to look at this important aspect of healing.
Learning Focusing has completely changed the way I approach my own healing, and the way I work with others. It has helped me to realise that there is no definitive “I” who is feeling something, but rather “I” am a collection of feelings, thoughts and beliefs, some of which are completely inconsistent with each other. I have come to realise that it isn't helpful to see myself as being reversed on healing an issue, or as if a part of me is sabotaging myself, and that instead, it is far more supportive if whenever I feel stuck in any healing that I’m doing, I acknowledge that it's probably simply a result of there being a belief, emotion, or thought inside of me that needs to be heard.
I have learnt a lot in this regard from Ann Weiser Cornell’s writing. I highly recommend reading Ann’s writing on The Radical Acceptance of Everything , Radical Gentleness Transformation of the Inner Critic, and Releasing Action Blocks, and also the article by Ann’s colleague Barbara McGavin on Focusing with the Inner Critic and Victim. Whether you are using Focusing as a skill in your healing consciously or not, the concepts can easily be incorporated into your healing practice, no matter what methods you use.
After working with the ideas in Ann’s writing about using Focusing with action blocks, I realised that what she was talking about extends far beyond dealing with action blocks themselves. Ann writes that any time there is something that you want to do in your life that you don’t, you need to be aware that there is also a part of you that doesn’t want to do the action. I have found that this also applies to things that you want to do that you actually do. Here’s an example that may help explain this:
I have made the decision to move back to New Zealand, and to build an eco-home and create a large permaculture garden with my partner. I’m really excited about the upcoming move and the whole project, even though I know it’s going to be a huge amount of work. I’m also aware of some thoughts that in the past I would have pushed out of my awareness, because they would have seemed too difficult to deal with. These thoughts are along the line of the fact that I love living by myself, I love having all the time I do to do the healing and learning that I’m doing, and I’m not going to have the luxury of all that time once building our own home. By sitting with these thoughts, I am able to acknowledge them as real. With what I’ve learnt with Focusing over the last few months, I know that it’s not a matter of having to convince that part of me that it is wrong and that it needs to change it’s mind, but rather all I need to do is simply hear it’s concerns. I’ve experienced the forward movement that comes with this so many times, I know it’s a safe thing to do, and that I’m not going to end up feeling like I have to negotiate with someone holding me hostage, which is how I would have felt in the past if I had seen this as resistance or self-sabotage or psychological reversal.
If you are feeling stuck in some area of your life, or things just aren’t flowing in the direction you want to go in some aspect, consider looking at the language you are using, when you talk about the problem, or simply when you are ‘talking’ to yourself with your thinking. You may find that there are aspects of yourself that you are denying the right to be heard, who are, for good reasons, pulling in a different direction to where you want to go. If you are using EFT, consider tapping for these thoughts in a way that you acknowledge that this part of you has a right to feel the way it is, and try finding ways to listen to it, rather than simply tapping to ‘remove the resistance’. You may find that your relationship with yourself changes radically, and moves you towards true self-acceptance.
I now realise that my initial instinct that dealing with what is termed psychological reversal is indeed very important. However I have found that my approach to it has completely changed. Where in the past I thought I need to tap to ‘remove’ the PR, I now realise it’s far more a case of needing to take the time to truly listen to feelings, beliefs and thoughts inside me. Focusing has really helped me to do this, because through it, I have experienced time and time again that I do not need to exile the part of me that is pulling in a different direction to where I want to go, and I don’t have to negotiate with it either, or try to change its mind. All I need to do is simply listen. What a relief!